This Is The End Of My Journey Of Blogging

  So this is it, the 14th blog post and I really have a hard time to think about what to write, more whine for my horrible life, more complaints and even more family drama. But not exactly, this post is a dedication for myself as I am going through a transformation to reinventing myself to be a better person. In most of the time, people learn life lesson from hardship and mistake they made and they vow to never repeat to avoid regretful feeling in the future. "What if" and "If only I" are both constantly popping up  in human brain when they made mistake as they wish to turn back timeline to reverse the consequences. Before I start, I will forever grateful to have Mr. Alex as my tutorial lecturer, his class is probably the only class I laugh so hard till I cry. Although I feel sad that he got my germ during meeting. This is something I need to say sorry, but then he is so strong and manly, of course he will gets better in no time right? Totally. I am so getting "A" in this subject. Now, back to the original topic, I find myself do not love me. I know I sound like a narcissistic bitch but self love is so important for every human who live in this world. It is the origin element of self esteem, confidence and personality. Self love generates positive thinking, brighter characteristic and friendly appearance which leads to happy life and successful career. Also, it promotes self acceptance to embraces an individual's flaws with pride and courage, rather than hide it in the dark.

  Lately I am spending more time with my friends and I share some family dirt with a sprinkle of dark issue with them. I tells them how my PTPTN is rejected and I have to reapply the whole thing with extra payment. Also, the fight between my family and I has reach the cold war zone. Then, I think my life is a mess with all the problem.They never shoot me down but simply tease me to be too serious for life and I need to take it easy. So I let myself loose and free to neglect the schoolwork for a day just to join my friends for karaoke, horror movie, Xbox games, dinner and gossip chat. It feels great to be away from the trouble of family and school in a sense of light headed in a vacation, a short one perhaps. Among the personal details we shared, they also tell me their personal problem as well. A friend of mine is a teacher receives affection from a married woman who also happened to be a teacher. We laugh so hard till our stomach hurt when he shows us the whatapps messages from the phone. The messages are so invasive that these made our face go red. My friend refuses the affection with horror and disbelieve as he only see himself as a friend to the married woman. So eventually the married woman backed off and remain silent until further action. Another friend of mine is a girl is somehow in a complicated relationship with her colleague from the same company. They have been going out for dinner and movie for at least 6 months. However, the guy never confess his love to my friend as his girlfriend. Although they still go out together, the situation turned awkward after my friend tell him she wants to be his girlfriend. This is seriously the final call for my friend as she is not a fan of mind game and further more, she is exhausting and weary with this uncertain territory. So the guy explains how he feels he isn't up to expectation of my friend's standard and he needs more time to think of this relationship. We listen while our mouth drop on the floor as this is so much bullshit in one place. My friend is a very easy-going person and she never set any standard for boyfriend. We help her analyze the whole situation and come up with a conclusion as he simply treats her as an object to fulfill his lonely life when he is not working and socializing. I tell her to get rid of him before she dives in deeper as I fears she might gets hurt eventually. She remains calm and indicates she still has faith and trust on the guy. Also, she doesn't want to ruin this friendship with him since he is a team manager in the same company, in case this relationship never worked. We try to explain the bad consequences to her as sex and love would lead to disaster end. She simply states she will be careful for not cross the line. Then, everybody laugh when another friend of mine suggests she need to spice it up with girly mannerism like those Taiwanese girls, with fake baby voice like Ling Zhi Ling. She laughs it off and she prefers to be herself. The dinner ends with goodbye and promise for next gathering.

  The conversation has inspire me in a lot of ways, sometimes I need to take a slower path to reach destination as shortcut doesn't work all the time. I need to accept my flaws to forgive my mistakes in order to move on to my next challenge and pick up myself up to shake off the dust of my body. Also, always remember to love yourself everyday as nobody could force you to do something you don't want to. People don't have to compromise to other people's norms and values in order to fit in, they can be seen as a unique individual who give inspiration. For impact, I definitely open my eyesight more as I listen to the conversation, who know a teacher with a 2 years old daughter would go so far that beyond taboo to chase my friend. More, love is a feeling from both ways as love from only one side should be labeled as stalker and desperate. People who want relationship should have learn well to face rejection, instead of plotting revenge and creating drama. This is why self acceptance is so important for people as the value of one's self come from within, not given by the surrounding people or society. For action, I definitely not in a mood of date or relationship at the moment. I will spend more time with my friends, maybe a short vacation. We are planning to watch another horror movie next week. A way to increase self love is to tell yourself "I Love You" to the mirror, but I prefer to workout in the gym.